just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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