Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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