I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
