Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize