umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
