So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
