I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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