I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
