So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
