I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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