P.S. I can't hear my feet
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
