I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so let's talk penis.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize