1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
