he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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