This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
