we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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