Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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