Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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