oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
