I want to stick my p in your. b.
Me too!
Just cropdusted the office
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize