Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
