Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
