I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
