ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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