you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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