I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
