I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
