we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
