addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
