I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You ruined the universe
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
