i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
