My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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