i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
