im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
