Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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