good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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