Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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