dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
