he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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