you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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