so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize