it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
