I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
