carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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