I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is Oprah even human
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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