I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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