saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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