She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
