i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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