T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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