I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
