So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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