I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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