Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
