According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
