mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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