The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
