she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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