Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize