toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
