the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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