Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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