we have officially lost it.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
