I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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