Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
