Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
ttyl tear gas
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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