as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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