Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
