And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
