i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize