drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
