im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
