i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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