He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
