She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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