I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
