dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
