So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
