Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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