We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
