dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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