So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
