i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
