i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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