You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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