For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
