It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
