It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
