loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
