New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
