What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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