We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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