This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
