batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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